Divorce Pranks - First Wives Club; Don't Get Mad, Get Even!

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4/98 My ex e-mails me 7 years after leaving our 20 year marriage for KK, " I need to inform you that KK and I are no longer together. I cannot be reached at that number. I would like to talk in more detail about it with you but am finding it hard to trust you. Or feel comfortable right now to explain in detail. Tara and John already know, they both said they saw it coming, Funny I wasn't sure until this last Sunday. I would like to tell the girls this week myself. Please allow me to do this. The split is hard on both KK and myself. It's been in process for awhile. "

I e-mailed him, "I don't know what  more you have to tell me about or why you'd have to tell me details." He didn't respond.

 

Note:   The company had moved our family to Vegas 2/90, but didn't follow thru on moving the business. He was commuting each weekend from CA to Vegas. I don't think absence necessarily makes the heart grow fonder. In his case, it helped him forget and focus on his landlord, KK. I think she looked like a wonderful solution to all his problems - she had money, owned her own 4bdrm home, had no kids, and seemed to want sex all the time.  He'd be free of responsibility. 

 

Early 2/91 my ex told me over the phone he loved KK and wanted a divorce. We didn't tell the kids for the next 4 months. He continued to commute from his job in CA to NV to rarely visit the kids. When my ex was having his affair with her they'd dirty dance at the campground, for instance, where he'd taken our kids and left me at home for the weekend.

2/26/91 On our 19th anniversary he came home and invited me out to dinner.  I felt some hope he'd changed his mind. We went out, ordered dinner, and he gives me a speech about celebrating a 19 year marriage, celebrating our anniversary.  I ask him if he'd changed his mind about leaving.  He replies that he's still leaving, but we should celebrate the past 19 years. I look at him stunned and said, "Phil, I'm not going to sit here eating to celebrate the end of our marriage." He angrily exclaimed, "What!?! We already ordered!" I said, "I'm going home. I'll take a cab, or you can drive me, but I'm going home." We packed the food, he drove me home, he threw a tantrum that he's not going to stay to visit with the kids because I'm behaving so badly. A Night to Remember Purchase the SheDaisy cd here.

Sometime in May he's home on one of his rare visits. He's rubbing my shoulders. We make love. I'm thinking it means something. After we're done, he says "that was nice" dismissing me as he goes to sleep on the couch.  I stumbled away in shock and confusion.

6/91 He lost his CA job, and asked to return to me.  It lasted a week. Early in the week I'd asserted myself on an issue, and he turned stone cold. Near the end of the week, our 18yo daughter had a flashback of her paternal uncle's molestation. I talked to her, and told my husband he needed to give her his support. Looking like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, he reluctantly went up to talk to her. He came downstairs and informed me, "I can't take this anymore, KK's coming to pick me up." 

"When did my wild oats turn into shredded wheat?!?"

custody.gif (6196 bytes) Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex

"I suspect that most people go through life singing a variation on, "One Day my Prince(ss) shall come." I recently worked with a client whose husband had been married three times. One of her issues was that he had met another woman and was heading off to spend a month with her. His mission was to see if she was, finally, the "right" woman for him. My client was trying to figure out what her husband wanted.

Actually, what he wanted was clear. He told her what he wanted. He told her that, for all his life, he had been looking for the one woman who would both "turn him on" forever, and with whom building a relationship would be "easy." His marker that he was with the wrong woman? Any hint of disagreement, any reluctance on her part to meet his needs.

Now, we can shake our heads here, but I don't think this guy is all that much different from most people I work with who haven't gotten the "relationship thing" figured out. He's just more honest about what's going on in his head. He's looking for unconditional love and unconditional sex. He's confusing the first with relationship, and the second with living life passionately.

It's clear that this guy, (and most folk in relationship,) are basically going, "If only my partner were more (intelligent, caring, sexy, demonstrative, etc.) and less (angry, weepy, sarcastic, etc.) then I would be happy." They look outside of themselves for what's wrong and then spend the entire relationship trying to fix the other person."

Wayne Allen

He didn't attend our eldest daughter's high school graduation later that month.

He neglected his kids for 3 years while whooping it up with, among others, our eldest daughter's molester.

Cheryl

@11/2003 My ex is nearly breaking his arm patting himself on the back  to his 15 and 19yo daughters that he convinced his brother not to sign away his parental rights. My ex exclaims to his daughters, "I would NEVER do that to you. Even if Mark asked, I wouldn't let him adopt you." My 15yo recognized the bs and talked to me about it.  I responded, "Like Mark would even ask." *shaking my head* My ex doesn't even recognize how persistent and how much I or the girls had to seek a relationship from him for them. Cheryl

"I did often come up against people who had more or less barricaded themselves from inner life, people who were incapable of a dialogue of thought and feeling. And I learned that such people often sought to compensate for their insecurity by seeking power. Their one protection was to evade the facts and seek refuge in silence." Breaking Down the Wall of Silence by Alice Miller

 

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