Divorce Pranks - First Wives Club; Don't Get Mad, Get Even!

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8/31/98 - I learn my daughter had believed her dad and his girlfriend all of these years that I'd physically threatened KK at the wedding. 

My eldest daughter understood that I made $20,000 the year her dad left, so why wasn't that enough? The 4 months we didn't tell the kids about his wanting a divorce, he was spending his money in CA and sending very little home. Our cupboards were bare, bills were barely paid, the vacuum broken, me sweeping the carpets. After he left for good, I got a temp job and made @$5000 the last six months of that year.  The next year, missing a lot of work cuz of the kids sick or me sick, I made @$12,000.

I learned my eldest daughter always thought I had a severe problem.  She credited her dad with confronting her molester, and didn't give me credit for my letters confronting the molester or acknowledge my in-laws disowning me over the ugly legacy uncovered.  Our eldest daughter disowns me  in fear of my religious tolerance, and exclaims she's going to write her molester and forgive him.

KK can't understand what happened to the closeness she thought she had with my oldest daughter. Tara dropped her cold. 

My ex's new girlfriend feels threatened by KK, and doesn't want the girls to see her.  My ex "won't allow" the girls to see KK.  I informed him that if the girls choose to go with their big brother to see KK, that'll be fine with me.  His new girlfriend's insecurities, his feelings of guilt, or my dislike of KK aren't good reasons for the girls to not see someone they care about and who cares about them.  However KK's depression and trying to reach out to the girls has been about trying to make them feel sorry for her, and their big brother rightly points out it wouldn't be a good idea for the girls to have to deal with that kind of manipulation.  They haven't seen her.

KK communicates with our youngest daughters thru my daughter-in-law.  I think KK's afraid of what I'd do if she called the kids' phone line, or emailed them herself.  She still doesn't get it.  I don't have to intrude on her relationship with my ex or my kids. She can screw that up all on her own.  I've confronted her only when what she was doing was directly about me.

9/2000 I learn that when KK lost her $56K a year job about a year after the wedding ('94), her new job paid about $30K a year so she billed my ex $1700 for the wedding expenses she'd paid for, and billed my eldest daughter for the wedding gown.

Cheryl  

Her Majesty, KK, looked so good, seemed to have it altogether...never judge a book by it's cover.

For You KK

Ahoy there! Enemy ahoy!   Enemy attack! Enemy attack! Repeat, this is not a drill!

 

My ex would "borrow" my money then when he got drunk the next time I would tell him I "needed" my money back. He would throw a fit, but give me my cash. Then when he would sober up, I would AGAIN ask for the money he owed me, and DOUBLE my money. Sure I heard that I was a so and so, but hey, I was used to it and the added money was well worth it, as it meant the boys could have a little extra.

Mary

 

Personal Growth Editor's Recommended Book, 04/01/98:
All families keep secrets, from the world and from one another. Was a child born out of wedlock? Is a brother using drugs? According to Evan Imber-Black, a psychiatry professor and the director of program development at New York City's Ackerman Institute for the Family, there's an important difference between healthy privacy that promotes necessary boundaries and toxic secrets that poison relationships between family members and keep people from getting help. In fact, Imber-Black says, every secret is different, and the decision whether or not to reveal a secret can be painfully difficult. In this comprehensive, very intelligent book, she covers all the kinds of secrets readers are likely to be keeping (or have been kept from knowing), and gives thoughtful advice on what to do about each of them.

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