Divorce Pranks - First Wives Club; Don't Get Mad, Get Even!  

Divorce Prank - 
"Creatively expressing our dark side."

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1/30/99 An ex showed up to the house, blood from the top of head to his shoulders. His new girlfriend had pushed him into a sharp corner. Well, being the health professional I am, I fixed the gaping wound. I covered his eyes with a towel, then proceeded to wash it with a dirty washrag from the sink, rinse with straight rubbing alcohol, drown it in hydrogen peroxide and wipe it with the same washrag. I then tucked and untucked the wound with a wooden q-tip, then sutured it "shut".

 

8/14/2000 "My ex called me up after he left. He had moved in with his new little girl friend. He was wanting to 'leave things on good terms' so he called to see how I was. i was- still irate. After finding about his 'activities' with this well known... um 'lady' I had made a beeline for the clinic. To my great relief all things were negative. He however did not know this. During the course of our phone called I casually mentioned that he might want to go to the clinic up there in Arlington, because I turned up pos. for a Chlamydia and gonorrhea culture. I told him I must have got it from him as he got it from Melissa. I was the faithful one and couldn't have brought anything home...Now if you don't know HOW they test for before mentioned diseases, let me tell you. The doctor sticks a cotton tipped WIRE in the man's penis hole. OUCH!!!!!! A week later he called and said his test was negative. Evil laughter filled me and in a taunting tone I said 'Oh baby, did I LIE to you? Did you believe every word I said? '"

Corrina Geer

 

Rodney sat in his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" asked the lawyer.
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" asked Rodney incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"It's of
you and your mistress." 

 

Google

"I miss David so much, yes I do, I miss the presence of another person in my bed at night, even if he doesn't touch me; the reliability of someone else being there in the morning, even if they only shave and stare straight ahead into the mirror while you lean against the bathroom doorjamb with your cup of coffee, chatting hopefully.

Oprah's book club choice: The narrator of Elizabeth Berg's "Open House" calls divorce "a series of internal earthquakes ... one after the other." She ought to know. Samantha is abandoned by her husband in the opening pages of this three-handkerchief special, and the resultant tremors keep her off-balance for most of the novel. There are practical problems aplenty, of course, including a shortage of money and an 11-year-old son to raise. But Sam's sense of emotional bereavement is far worse, despite the fact that her husband had been giving her the conjugal cold shoulder for years.

The loneliness in her "as constant and as irrefutable" as circulating blood, Sam begins to rebuild her life. She finds herself a job and takes in a couple of boarders to help meet her mortgage payments. (One of them, a depressed student named Lavender Blue, informs her that "life was nothing but one major disappointment after the other"--the sort of homily that Sam is understandably reluctant to hear these days.) She also starts dating, with disastrous results. Yet this comically kvetching heroine does manage to find love in the ruins, and by the time "Open House" winds down, it's hard not to believe that she's much better off. Throughout, Berg alternates her snappy and sappy registers like a real pro. And the conclusion, which most readers will be able to spot a mile off, seems just right--the light at the end of the post-matrimonial tunnel. --Anita Urquhart

"It's a book about a break-up and how it leaves you stunned, confused and prone to do some of the most idiotic things of your life." Oprah 

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