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1/7/99 We separated just before our tax returns arrived. Since the only reason we were getting a return was due to my paying day care for OUR son out of my pay, I took the check, signed it, cashed it and bought myself a beautiful mother's day gift. When he asked about the check, I said that I had never seen it with the explanation that maybe the government took it to pay some of his back debts.
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent on them.
The guy's curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the guy incredulously.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," replies the balding man.
When I graduated from college, at 29 with three children, and no support, Iwas proud of myself, and felt sure enough to try out for law enforcement. I made it, and began working as a specialist in property crime in rural SC.
One after noon, I'm sitting watching trucks, when a small dump truck passesme, uncovered. I flip on the blue light and pull him over on a small, untraveled country road. Walking up to the truck, I see some motion, and tell the driver to put his hands on the wheel. That's when I realize, it is my soon to be ex, who has been running from child support for over four years, owing me thousands of dollars. I take his information, and inform him he will have to wait for a trooper. (Can't write tickets against family members). The trooper arrives and I inform that I would like him to run check on warrants, from Family Court, and that he had had a drug problem, so search the vehicle. When the warrant came back, the trooper told him to step out of the truck. He said he would rather not. The trooper informed him that if he had to, he would come in and get him. My soon to be ex, slowly opens the door and lowers to the ground.
That's when we spot the huge piss spot on his jeans.
The trooper, trying not to laugh asked, "Son, you couldn't wait until I got you to the jail?" My ex looked down shamefully, and said, "Sir, here I am on a back road in rural SC, and get pulled by a female officer. That ain't so bad. I watched her get out of the car and walk up beside the truck, man I liked to died. See, if you owed her what I owed her, and she pulled you over in the middle of nowhere, and she had a gun on her hip, man you'd piss in your pants too!"
Dick's Last Resort
Restaurant will do
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