Dh's work required our move from Vegas to CA. We researched on the
net for excellent schools, near the beach, a comfortable commute to dh's
work, and a different county than bm. We chose a city an hour away from
during CA court. Then dh
won custody summer '99.
At the first ortho appt I took ss to, I was
surprised to see bm walk down the hallway. It's a 1 1/2 hr trip
one way for each of us. She sits on a bench. I
stand up, walk over, sit beside her and ask, "Did you have to come
to pay the bill?" She responds she wants to talk to the ortho. I
said ok and returned to my bench. I thought that was a long way to drive
to talk to the ortho, but that's up to her.
The next visit dh takes son. Grandma now supervises the visit. She
demands ss sit beside her and she talks in a voice loud enuf for dh to
hear about all the ways we aren't taking care of his cat.
Dh stops to make sure administrator has his address and phone #'s.
The woman says, "OMG, YOU'RE the dad?!? You wouldn't believe the
things I know about you!" Just then grandma walked by. The
administrator guffaws, "Ooops!!!" putting her hand to her
mouth. Dh doesn't ask what she knows about him, or offer what he
could about bm. He smiles a little, gives her the info, and goes on his
I take ss to the next appts. The first one I arrive early, the ortho
is double booked and swamped, she nicely answers my questions while ss
is being treated. I walk out to sit on the bench. Grandma (bm must
be working) arrives late and goes in the office. About 20 minutes
later ss joins me on the bench. I ask him, "Are you all done?"
He whispers something to me 3xs before I understand him. "Grandma
told me to wait for her." I reply, "What?!? We're
leaving." We march out. I don't want him to miss more school.
At the car ss seems concerned about how he'll explain it to his
grandma. I replied, "Tell her the truth! You told me she said
to wait and I said we're leaving." Ss looks stunned. What a
novel concept - the truth. He seems stunned that he can tell the
truth, that he doesn't have to cover for me, and that he doesn't have
to take the fall for this.
After ss's next visit to his mom's ss, very amused, shares with us
that his grandma was ranting about my being a bitch
and angry at ss for not waiting for her. Dh writes bm a letter that my
questions were answered during the treatment, grandma was late, ss will
not be waiting for grandma to finish, he'll be leaving to get to school.
I've learned to plan ahead, and think
about my options. We'd leave at 7:30am to avoid traffic, arrive an hour
early, sign in leaving my cell phone #, and disappear to another part of
the UCLA campus. At the appropriate time, we'd return to the ortho
One time we rounded the corner to walk down the hall to where grandma
had been sitting stewing. She yelled down the long hallway at ss, "Get
over here!" I told ss ahead of time to remain behind me, that he's
with me, and he's not to jump to grandma's orders while he's with
me. Ss continues to walk behind me as grandma yells 2 more times.
I walk up to her calmly and ask, "What's up? Are they ready for
us?" She refuses to talk to me. She repeats to ss, "Get over here!" as we follow
her inside. She points to the sign-in sheet and sharply tells ss to sign in.
I look at her puzzled, "He's already signed in." She looks
confused and she'd rather bully ss than deal calmly with me.
I see the supervisor over grandma's shoulder looking curiously at us. I
wave at him. He waves back grinning. Grandma turns sharply to see who I'm waving at. She is not
happy I'm on friendly terms with these people.
As previously arranged with ss, I wave him out for him to sit on the
bench with me on one side and the computer stand on the other side. I
always have him bring a book, and he begins reading.
Grandma remains in the office a
moment, probably writing down my cell phone #, exits the office and stands in front of the
hallway wall across from us, vulturing trying to decide her next move.
Ss continues reading and I relax looking around. Grandma resentfully gives up. She sits on the next bench.