Ann Landers has a letter today about an angry 36yo man
whose father didn't see him since 12yo, and is now seeking a relationship.
His brothers have embraced their dad's efforts. The author of the letter
refuses to forgive and forget. I wrote Ann:
Regarding Thursday, August 9, 2001, “Still Angry in
My husband’s parents divorced their 2nd spouses when
my husband was about 16 years old. Both parents said they didn’t have a
place for my husband or his 2 younger brothers to live. My husband, Mark,
lived with a family friend and supported himself. His younger brothers got
their own apartment and supported themselves.
Mark, now 39 years old, has a good relationship with
both his parents. I think that’s reflected in his relationship with his
Mark has a 15yo son by exwifefromhell. Thruout very
difficult times and severe visitation denial on the part of biomom, Mark
finally won custody when son was age 13. Son is now thriving in every way,
and sees his mom regularly.
Mark had a “girlfriend” for a month who used him to
get pregnant. Mark never held a grudge. Biomom always included the father
in their now 10yo daughter’s life. She’s the only one of our combined
6 children who is not wounded by divorce issues. She’s always felt loved
One brother-in-law holds a grudge and refuses to talk to
his father. Ironically my brother-in-law has a son he pays child support
on, but does not have a relationship with. He has the money to fight for
visitation, but he’s not motivated. He has another son with his 2nd
Forgiveness isn’t about forgiving the guilty party and
forgetting what they’ve done. Forgiveness is an attitude that sets us
free, so that we are not continually revictimized by our wounds, and can
move forward in our own lives.