not the onlydeadbeats.
"She" can be one too!
When you look at the deadbeat sites, ask yourself if you're
behaving like a deadbeat, and remember that men are victims of "her"
deadbeat mentality also.
Whether you are a custodial parent, a non-custodial parent, a
first wife, a second wife, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, ask yourself if you're behaving in
the best interest of the child.
AND CHILD REUNION:
How To Bring The Dads We Need To The Children We Love
(NY: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam; January, 2001)
by Warren Farrell
A Xmas card for all the difficult ex's in our lives.
9/25/00 - Three months until some unprepared noncustodial parents may
have experiences like the one George told about last year:
Thanks, sadly, for telling it like it is for thousands of noncustodial
parents on Christmas Day. Many of those disappointed parents may find
Parenting Time Visitation Enforcement Software useful to never let this
kind of denial go unchallenged in the future. See: HTTP://WWW.HOW2.ORG/VISNFORS.HTML
On Saturday, December 25, 1999 9:52 AM, George wrote:
I would like to submit the following for consideration the "As I
See It" column.
It is Christmas. The day is finally here.
Today, the calls will begin, and door bells will ring.
Somewhere a mother tells her children to go to their rooms.
Then she goes to answer the door.
"Hello Frank, what do you want?" she says to the man standing
"I'm here to pick up of the kids for Christmas."
"I told you on the phone that they don't want to spend today with
you. They want to go to my parents. Are you deaf, or just
"Helen, the court order says I get them for Christmas."
"You know the courts don't enforce that. No one cares if you
see the kids. So if you keep bothering me with this, I'm going to call the police and
say you're threatening us. You'll be in jail in a flash.
So go away!"
"Well, I figured you would ignore the orders again, so I brought the kids' presents. Can I see them?"
"No, they're playing in their room. Put the presents in the
garage and I will tell them they're from you."
"Can I call them?"
"No, not this weekend, we'll be busy. I'll call you if they
want to talk to you."
After seeing the father gone, the mother calls the children.
"Was that Daddy?" says the 7-year-old.
"Will we see him today?"
"No, he's busy. He's spending Christmas with his girlfriend
and her kids. I'm so sorry."
"Did he bring us anything?"
"No, he didn't. He can't afford to buy you presents this
year, but I think he's just spending his money on his girlfriend's kids.
He's not even paying his child support. But don't worry,
there are lots of gifts for you, I even think that Santa left some
more around here. I'm going to find them, so whys don't you go out
and play while I look."
As they leave, she opens a cabinet, takes out wrapping paper and tape,
then goes to the garage.
This story is true, though the names are different to protect the
innocent, and the not-so. Some version of this event will be
repeated thousands of times on this day. Christmas, when we
are suppose to be celebrating the wondrous birth of Jesus and his
example of a relationship between a Father and his Son.
But on this day, government studies show that 60% of fathers will be
denied their children for Christmas. Many will have traveled
thousands of miles, only to be turned away.
Many will go to court, getting a hearing some time in the Spring.
They'll spend thousands only to hear a judge tell them that Christmas is past,
so there is nothing that can be done about it. They should get
them next Christmas.
Others will throw up their hands, saying that there's no use. The heartache every time they are denied is just too much. So they
just hope the kids will want to see them when they are grown.
A few others will feel that they cannot live without their children and
decide that life is not worth living anymore.
In this coming political year, and with the issues of the Cuban boy, one
has to wonder why is there so much concern with child support, and
so little with court-ordered-parenting-time. Commercials are run
telling fathers to spend more time with their children, but no advice on
how millions of nonresidential fathers can do it. Maybe the one
question that should be asked of those who want to lead this great
country is, "When will children have the right to not only a
father's money, but also to a father's love?"