Divorce Pranks - First Wives Club; Don't Get Mad, Get Even!

 

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Men are not the only

deadbeats.
mrsbeat_s.gif (18980 bytes)

"She" can be one too! When you look at the deadbeat sites, ask yourself if you're behaving like a deadbeat, and remember that men are victims of  "her" deadbeat  mentality also.

  Whether you are a custodial parent, a non-custodial parent, a first wife, a second wife, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, ask yourself if you're behaving in the best interest of the child.    

 

Trace Adkins Every Other Friday At Five lyrics

(Steven Dale Jones)

One out of two ain't gonna make it
Those are the odds these days
And in a world of statistics
He's left tryin' to survive
'Til every other Friday at five

He counts the days and then the hours
'Til he can hold his babies in his arms
And they'll be watchin' out the window
When he pulls up in the drive
On every other Friday at five

For forty-eight hours they're with him again
But on Sunday afternoon he's out of time
Some folks call him a deserter but his kids know he'll arrive
On every other Friday at five

So let's not put 'em in the middle
And play tug-of-war with their little hearts
But let mamas and daddies
Smile hello and wave goodbye
On every other Friday at five

For forty-eight hours they're with him again
But on Sunday afternoon he's out of time
Some folks call him a deserter but his kids know he'll arrive
On every other Friday at five

And they'll be watchin' out the window
When he pulls up in the drive
On every other Friday at five

 

 

 

 

 

 

01/17/02

Ss still has the same attitude today as he did last night. Dh straightens him out. Then dh leaves to pick up my daughter.

I yell up at ss, "You doing homework?" cuz that's what he was supposed to be doing. He replies yes.  I

 ask, "What is your homework?" He hems and haws and exclaims he has a lot of homework. 

I persist, and walk upstairs to find him taking out his homework to work on it for first time. He claims that when I say, "You doing your homework?" that means he's to start his homework. 

He says he has 30 problems in math, and drama. He declines to tell me what the drama assignment is and reluctantly admits it won't take long. 

I said, "Why did you say you have a lot of homework?" He exclaimed, "Because that's a lot of math!" I said, "What number are you starting on?", got the answer, and told him I'd be checking every 10 minutes to see how much he's accomplishing.

*shaking my head* I just remembered what ss complained about to  evaluator that was in her report, "My stepmother doesn't let me get away with anything!"

Concerned Stepmom

 

02/03/02

Dh has been diagnosed with diabetes. My 13yo daughter has the highest cholesterol in the family. We switched to diet sodas only. I buy sugared canned sodas for the teenagers lunches - a compromise.

Ss a couple of weeks ago threw a fit that he should not have to have diet soda while at home. He insisted that sweetner used in diet soda is dangerous. He demanded we buy him sugared soda. He threw a tantrum over the issue. We stuck to our guns, we're buying diet soda, he can drink water. He defiantly drank water.

I suspected it was another attempt on the part of exwifefromhell to intrude. It smacked of an incident from '99 when dh won custody. Bm and her mom tried to convince that we were doing something terrible treating ss's allergies and colds with sudafed. (Ss's mouth dropped open in amazement when the doctor recommended the same treatment).

We received a letter from exwifefromhell demanding 3 floating weekends. According to the court order, she must ask for the floating weekend 30 days ahead of time. We have 7 days from the postmark date on her letter to respond yes or no, and supply her with alternate weekends. One of the weekends she was demanding was 2 weeks later. Another was during the LA Robotics Competition. One of the weekends was ok.

Dh had to be out of the house when bm was picking up ss. Ss is supposed to have his stuff ready and outside before bm is to arrive. Since nothing else has worked, he does something else that I'm only now catching on.

When I ask him if he's packed he says yes. When I give him advance notice that he has to have his stuff downstairs in 10 min, he says he will. He very reasonably asked me if he could bring it down later cuz he was late getting ready. I said ok. I then waited and waited for him to come downstairs. Getting suspicious I go upstairs. He's playing with the computer. He refuses to come downstairs to be ready to leave. He demands that I sit downstairs watching for his mother. We argue briefly, and I call his dad. Ss smiled smugly thinking he would be winning this one. He always seems to think his dad will think I'm being unreasonable. Suddenly while talking with his dad ss got very cooperative. I didn't know that dh had told him either you get downstairs or I'm taking back the Sun (some very cool computer stuff dh had given ss).

Ss sat downstairs enraged at me, badgering me over and over with WHY?WHY?WHY?. I ignored him. Dh came home to pick up my daughter for robotics. To my surprise he sat down firmly telling ss that I don't deserve to be put in the middle, that ss is responsible for being downstairs ready to go and to answer the door. Dh firmly lectures ss at length and ss relented. Ss had to return 2xs upstairs for things he'd realized he'd legitimately forgotten.

One of the reasons we want him ready to go was bm liked to stand at our open front door demanding ss get "something else" while she snooped.

Dh had taped the letter that must reach bm by Mon regarding floating weekends on ss's suitcase handle for his trip to his mom's this weekend. Ss had ripped it off and planted it on the side of his suitcase, saying it would "bother" him on the handle. I hadn't said anything. Dh noticed, confronted ss who promised to hand the letter to his mom. Dh relented. Dh left.

Bm finally arrives. The letter on the suitcase is facing me. Bm doesn't see it. Bm picks up the other stuff and turns to leave. Ss picks up the suitcase, the letter flapping in the wind. He doesn't notice. As I saw him turn to go down the balcony stairs I called dh on the phone, "I don't think bm got the letter" and I explained to dh. He asked me to look. Yep, there it was on the stairs, luckily ss and bm were still across the street packing the trunk. I yell, "You forgot the letter!" Ss, confused, looks at me and holds up his maternal uncle's greeting card saying, "No I didn't." I yelled, "Not that one!!!" He realizes, retrieves the letter, and comes back in the house to get the blue sweatshirt bm is insisting he must have.

When dh picked up ss exwifefromhell furiously came out to yell at dh about his refusing her the weekends. He kept repeating 30 days, our family had plans (robotics, the exchange student arriving...) and eventually pointed out that he was sick and tired of her exclaiming that she's being victimized by denial of visitation because of all the years she didn't even put ss on the plane when she had custody. She responded aghast that she never denied him visitation unless ss was sick. *yeh, that's why she lost custody summer '99* She doesn't seem to remember allowing perhaps 3xs a year visitation for 5 years to dh when she had custody. She doesn't seem to remember the judge angrily telling her off '96, and the judge himself writing an ironclad visitation order. She didn't notice '99 how angry the judge was at her, and how quickly he was willing to change custody because of her behavior. The conversation finally ended with dh pointing out that it was now 6:11pm and he was already supposed to have left with ss according to the court order. (we always have him ready to go out the door, she always leaves dh outside waiting when he's there to pick up ss). Exwifefromhell angrily gave up and went in to her home.

Once ss was at our home he threw another tantrum out of the blue - he MUST have the calculator back from his stepsister. At the beginning of the school year 3 teenagers needed graphic calculators. We bought the cheaper version for my 2 girls. It turned out to be too difficult for her to use. Ss already had a particular calculator that was easier for stepsister to use. He could use the one we'd bought stepsister - cuz he's the one who programs in 5 languages.

Dh said he could have it back at the end of the year. Ss continued the tantrum, yelling he'd be taking the calculator cuz he paid for it. Dh said fine, then I'll be taking back all the computer stuff in your room that I bought.

Dh eventually went upstairs to resolve things. Dh told him we'll buy him the more expensive version at the end of the school year. Turned out exwifefromhell had instigated this one too. Dh pointed out that his mom just wants dh and his son to be fighting. Ss doesn't believe it.

While talking, dh pointed out, "Why are you wearing the robotics tshirt? Your mom says you hate robotics." Ss hemmed and hawed. He said finally that he's just sick of being in the middle regarding arguments regarding robotics. Dh pointed out, "If it wasn't robotics it would be something else." Ss, we believe at his mother's insistence, is insisting with dh again that he will NOT be participating in robotics next year.

Well, yes he will. Cuz this year dh is now an advisor in robotics spending just as much time at robotics as 16yo ss is. It's a 6 week intensive commitment. The TRW engineer pointed out that ss, under dh's care, can become a most important part of the robotics group thruout high school cuz he'll understand all the parts of it, and be the only student understanding and doing the programming part.

And my 17yo daughter is involved. She doesn't have the technical mind, but she loves the challenge and is willing to do anything. Cuz of her attitude, and other leadership/negotiation qualities that have made an impact, she's being strongly considered for president of robotics next year. Meantime, since dh got involved, he's noticed the group also needs a taskmaster coordinating and making sure new students, or current students, are working and protecting themselves while working - and not playing. I'm on call for that position.

There goes ss's long standing continuing argument that robotics takes up too much of his time and he can't possibly get his homework done, for instance. We're all involved. His stepsister is having no problem juggling a part-time tutoring job, robotics, full-time junior year school, a little volunteering at the hospital and a boyfriend.

Of course she has parents who support her activities, rather than a bm who wants to sabotage anything good going on.

BTW, I've share before that we insist the teens have 2 extracurricular activities - important for college. At his counselor's suggestion, ss has always volunteered 3 hrs a week at the school's ISP. Ss and bm have always tried to say that was worthless and taking up too much time too.

A couple of weeks ago ss was legitimately and sincerely crying in despair that others had been promoted at the ISP, and he never would.

He was promoted a week ago. He'll be getting paid to work at the ISP this summer. Suddenly he wants to spend time at the ISP.

In so many ways exwifefromhell is not anywhere near the problem she used to be. *shaking my head* It seems to leave her with what she sees as no choice - she must find any and every other way she can to intrude, no matter how small and insignificant.

*rhetorical question* Why doesn't bm and ss notice that we feel no need to intrude at her home?

I think ss and bm are taken aback by the sure footing of dh. He's found his voice, found his boundaries, picks himself up and apologizes to his son (or me) when he needs to. He's nearly always calm, firm, excellent with words these days. All these years I used to be the one behind the scenes finding the words, the boundaries and confronting issues. These days I'm learning from dh.

Concerned Stepmom

Google

dh - darling husband 
bm - biomom 
ss - stepson 
sd - stepdaughter 
dd - darling daughter 
ds - darling son 

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